Sex Toys Can Enhance Couple Play


Sex toys are often branded as a boyfriend substitute when, in fact, they can serve as a valuable component of couple play. So what’s really holding people back from reaping the benefits of a well-placed vibrator or dildo?

First of all, there is that fear among heterosexual women that their partners will be threatened by the introduction of a toy into the bedroom. What’s interesting, though, is that the vast majority of men are not actually nervous or threatened by sex toys. A tidal change has happened in our culture. Even if someone has never used a toy before, they’re likely still open to it. And if they are nervous, I think it’s valuable to reframe these toys as tools that tool-using primates can use to augment pleasure.

Why not use tools that help make sex more pleasurable or that help shake you out of your usual routine? You would never tell someone they’re inadequate because they have to use power tools to build something.


If you’re looking for more variety in your sex life, if you have a desire to try new things together, trying a toy can be really powerful. And in fact, toys can also act as a sort of a proxy for communicating about a desire you have. For example, a lot of heterosexual women want to bring vibrators into partner play because they want more clitoral stimulation during intercourse or they want more attention played to their clitoris in general, and bringing that toy into the mix can be a way of communicating that. Or for people interested in enjoying anal play, toys are an approachable beginning step to exploring anal and prostate pleasure.

Others are embarrassed to go shopping, either in person or online. Some are afraid to step into a brick-and-mortar store and others are worried that, if they do order a toy online, it will arrive in a box with a giant penis on it. But those working in your local sex shop aren’t judging you, and can actually be founts of wisdom if you have questions about what to buy. And as for the packaging that online companies use, they’re always incredibly discreet.

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